The Friend Not Pictured

Friendship in the midst of motherhood and marriage is a topic that so often crosses my mind, yet one that can still feel somewhat unclear and uncertain.

It seems to be something many of us long for, but have trouble finding or sustaining long term.

Something that’s genuine, unwavering, and more than the occasional, “miss you! love you! lets get together soon! ” under your latest post on Facebook.

It’s easy to believe that the people who have always been around are the ones who will always be around, but as life goes to show us, this isn’t necessarily the case. It can come as a hard and upsetting realization that in all things seasons change.

Including friendships.

It could just be a matter of life taking you in two different directions physically, being in different phases of a career or relationship, having different goals or political opinions, or simply outgrowing one another based on any combination of things.

The reality seems to be that there are friends you might choose to do ‘everyday’ life with, and friends that are never pictured.

You won’t see the friends never pictured in the latest Instagram story or Facebook post where all the “share worthy” stuff happens. This is the friend who probably gets the occasional text with no follow through. The friend who gets only the really good or really bad news but none of the real stuff in between. The friend who likely sat at your hospital bedside only to sit in her own hospital room without a friend in sight. The friend who can talk you off the brink, but can’t get a follow through from you on an invite despite her best efforts.

Perplexing and saddening to say the least. . .

But life goes on for everyone.

It may be difficult and disconcerting to just let it go, and allow these unfulfilling connections be what they are.  Despite the difficulty be encouraged to refocus your energy in different directions, and keep trying.

  • You’re deserving of the friend who can show up for you too! 
  • You’re deserving of the friend who can understand your situation, and meet you where you are mentally or physically!
  • You’re deserving of having moments worth remembering with a friend!
  • You’re deserving of the friend who pours into your cup with as much enthusiasm or verve as your pour into theirs!

The presence or absence of your children should not be the deciding factor in this friendship if its one that’s meant for you.

Sure, life happens.

But at the end of the day we always make time and take consideration for the things and people we care about.

49731924_2038805066412832_8666348163344367616_nFrom one mama to another, don’t forget about your friends not pictured.




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